kenn (tragiclife) wrote,

agony part II

one day i'll learn... i'm going through another bought of severe withdrawl. fucking drug dealers need to have morning hours for us school kids. one more hour then i can try to score some. i'm gonna die long before then. AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! sitting in class is not working for me at all. nothing i can do will make it feel any better. god, give me some fucking methadone or something. i feel like leonardo dicaprio in the basketball diaries, screaming futily, flailing ineffectually at nothing and everything. damn it just one little bump and this will all go away.... please, god hear me and deliver some dope into my veins. i am in hell, a hell of my own creation. i just want something to take my mind of this unquenchable discomfort.
all of classes so far have repeated the same shit. how to log in the computer systems here. i've known this since last august. five fucking times i've heard this shit. god it's only been ten minutes. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! someday i'll look at this and be like, wow, thank god that's over. but until then i'm fucked. she's explaining how to use a disk drive. a fucking disk drive. no wonder i'm on LJ during class.
i just saw Blow last night for the first time. that has thw saddest ending of any movie EVER. i cried for like an hour. it felt kinda purifying. i had to watch all the bonus material and the entire movie again with commentary. for those of you that haven't seen it, george jung promises his daughter he'll take her to california, and spends the two days previous doing one more smuggler's run to mexico so he'll have enough money for the both of them. he gets set-up by his old friends and sent to jail while his daughter waits for him with her suitcases packed. every day in jail, he tells the warden to make sure she is on the visitors' list, convinced that today is the day she'll come. one day she shows up and they talk in this field part of the prison, but when the camera pans back, he's alone, confused as to where she's gone. he is called to lock down and the jailer says 'maybe tomorrow' the captions at the end say that he will be in jail till 2015 and that his daughter never came to visit. so... kristina sunshine jung, if through some unheard of coincidence you're reading this, go visit your dad. please.
some good quotes from the movie: 'life is like an ocean, you have to drown in it to fully appreciate its power' 'you know that 50 grand i promised you? well, i couldn't come up with it. (pause) i brought 75.' 'the toxicity level in humans is one to one and a half grams. i've done ten in ten minutes. i must have a high tolerance'
that helped a bit. 15 more minutes. i can do it. god i hope she has some. please have some. PLEASE. gnawing my nails now. out of candy. the good news i haven't smoked weed in quite a while. i guess heroin is a safe alternative. right. all the computers here are fucked. i accidently told my unix prof that. i guess 'fucked' isn't the technical term. i like being able to play on a computer during class. my 8oclock class ... SUCKS. mad easy tho. 9oclock.. cool. noon ... okay for economics, actually pretty good. 1 oclock ... the class i've been waiting for. ****homework- tutorial 1 access***** 2 oclock - shitty, but i only have to show up for the midterm and final. i may just do that. okay gotta go. wish me luck, no don't i understand.... peeace!!!!!!!!!!!!
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